Highlights from the book … read on …

The tannoy burst into life, “Penance Ship on the starboard bow.”  Our vessel was coming up fast on a huge trimaran.  It must have been two hundred metres wide, with enormous sails.  The fronds in front appeared to be channelling ocean surface debris, mainly plastic, into the heart of the ship …

“Holy Isle is a one ten billion tonne unsinkable aircraft carrier.”

“… after the Romans left Londinium, the land began to sink until the city they created disappeared beneath the waves …”

“Swedish scientists were still zapping babies with high levels of radiation in the late 1950s and early 60s to get rid of port wine stains.”

“When the childhood leukaemia cases’ postcodes were plotted, they lay in a straight line between two military microwave towers.”

“The Laki volcanic eruption in Iceland started on June 8, 1783 and continued for eight months, spewing out 42 billion tonnes of material, including 120 million tonnes of sulphur dioxide.”

“Here we are on one of the great ships of Geordiestan, patrolling the waters of the Northern Alliance so that the riches of the sea can be protected and enhanced.”

“You guys have sleepwalked into the dystopian society.  Your Brexiteers tried to leave it, your Momentumeers believed they could change it, and your Remoaners thought they weren’t even in it.”

A commotion erupted at the back of the chapel.  With shouts of “Votes for Men!” a group, all men, swept up the aisle towards the altar.

“We don’t have mobile phones in Geordiestan because of the impact on wildlife navigation and also the dangers from non-ionising radiation.”

A full moon broke through the clouds overhead and as I reached the waiting fems, I heard the blood curdling sound of a wolf.  One of the fem soldiers advanced.  “Welcome to the Badlands,” she said.

To my horror, the man with the gun swivelled round and aimed directly at Bel-Bel.  But already my bongoes were whirling through the air.

We ploughed on through the sands until we reached the water’s edge. To my horror, I felt my horse beginning to sink. We were trapped in shifting sands.

It began to snow. As we trotted the ground was turning white. Suddenly we heard a howling sound. We both knew what that meant and spurred our horses.

Mirabelle seemed most assured.  “Do you really like me?” she asked.  “Un moment,” she smiled, and disappeared into an adjoining room.
A few minutes later, she reappeared.  “Like this?” she asked.

There before us was the might city of Assunder.  We swept towards it.  On both sides of the river, people were standing completely naked.

“The purpose of our institution is to examine the problem of Interplanetary Invasion.  What defence do we have against being colonised by aliens?  Surprisingly, it is our present chaotic military situation on Earth that may well be our major safeguard.”

“You claim that the subsequent global fire oxidised all iron and carbon releasing carbon dioxide into the air, so now Mars’ atmosphere has CO₂ levels thirty times more than planet Earth.”

“You mean Scotland?”
“Precisely.  Now that they have rejoined the EU, they have not only embraced the free movement of labour and capital, but also the free movement of pathogens and pests.”

I looked towards the altar.  To my horror the coffin lid began to rise and a hand reached up.

“But what is this coming war?” I asked.  All three turned and looked at me as if I was a dunderhead.
“With AI itself,” they chorused.